1. We aren’t mind readers!
2. We are not to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous.
3. When you sleep over never boss me around in bed unless it is during sex.
4. Smoking is the biggest turn off.
5. It never hurts to work out.
6. If you don’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask the question.
7. “Fine” or “whatever” is not an appropriate ending to a conversation.
8. If you want sex, just ask. (In case you didn’t already know.)
9. Don’t expect guys to say as many sweet things as they do in the movies. (It takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those scripts).
10. Only models are able to wear most of the stuff you see in fashion magazines.
11. No guy will complain if he comes home and sees you in one of the following outfits: French Maid, School girl, bunny, or just plain naked.
12. You don’t need lingerie to look sexy before bed, short cotton shorts and a tank top are fine by us.
13. Girls look good naked so stop worrying.
14. Sharing your deepest feelings in no way guarantees reciprocity.
15. We are all kinky and willing to try anything that you may enjoy, just let us know.
16. Every so often no matter whether it is true or not remind us that we have the biggest penis you’ve ever dealt with.
17. If were not getting love we’ll start looking…(haha…just kidding…psych…I’m dead serious)
18. The greatest thing ever is to watch a girl touch herself.
19. Most of the time when I fantasize it is about another person.
20. If you, the girl, make out with another girl we won’t consider it cheating. Actually we strongly promote this behavior.
21. Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter inch missing.
22. You shouldn’t be flattered or grossed out if we get an erection when dancing with you. All we need is Friction.
23. Porn…hmmm…Porn. Watching porn is like breathing it would just be wrong to ask us to stop.
24. We masturbate, usually more when we are in a relationship, can’t explain it but it is just fact.
25. Blue balls are not sporting equipment. Didn’t your parents teach you not to quit.
26. Giving head is never a bad idea.
27. We are conservationists at heart, water is our biggest love, so shower with us.
28. There are three acceptable ways to wake up: (1) You on top of us. (2) Getting head. (3) Some sort of breakfast.
29. We don’t mind going to gay movies with you but don’t tell our friends.
30. You can’t hold it against us if we cry after sports movies or “Old yeller.”
31. “The game is on” is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation.
32. Any harsh contact with the testicles should be assumed a serious injury but soft caresses are strongly encouraged.
33. You’re probably not as funny as you think.
34. Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy but if I hear one more girl say “he’s so hot” he may have to die.
35. Your period should be referred to as Blowjob week. (Influenced by a Maxim article)
36. Cooking makes a girl that much more attractive especially if she can use a grill.
37. You can’t get mad if we refuse to hook up your “ugly friend” with one of our friends.
38. For every fart that slips out when you are around we successfully hold in about 15, enduring excruciating pain to do this.
39. If we want to take naked pictures of you it is because we are proud and want to show you off to our friends.
40. The red light means the video camera is off.
41. A guy should be considered sensitive if he asks whether you want to do it with the lights on or off.
42. Whip cream and chocolate syrup are not just condiments for ice cream also Altoids just don’t make your breath fresher.
43. Nothing you will ever do will entitle you to operate the remote control. (Unless operating means handing it to us.)
44. The only thing left to be said after sex is “goodnight.”
45. Video games have helped us develop such finger skills that should only encourage us to play more often.
46. Critiquing our driving is only second to critiquing our love making.
47. Guys nights out are sacred events. If we answer questions we could be castrated.
48. If you ask us to go shopping you have to at least entertain the idea of having sex in a changing room.
49. The jeans don’t make your ass look fat. Your fat ass makes your ass look fat.
50. 99.5% of the time we didn’t mean to hurt you.
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